Auditors' Comments

Here are some of the lovely comments/questions that I/other auditors have heard in the last six months and the responses that I would like to give them, but are too nice to actually say:

1. Do you even know the difference between tax basis and accrual basis of accounting?
Um, yes, I might be new at this, but I’m not an idiot, although you seem to be for asking me that question in the first place.

2. You don’t seem to understand this (insert accounting policy) properly, how long have you been working as an auditor?
Long enough to know that you are wrong and I am right.

3. You’re wasting my time by requesting such nonsense items, aren’t you done with your audit yet?
The faster you get me my items, the faster this audit will be done and the faster I can get the hell out of here.

4. You don’t need to look at that account, it was done perfectly and there are no errors.
That’s exactly what you said for the last five accounts that I just happened to find errors in.

5. You already asked me that question once, stop making me repeat myself.
Well, if you explained it to me in a way a normal person could understand it in the first place, then I wouldn’t be here again.

Yes, auditors have their faults too, and some of them, like me, are young and don’t know everything, but you’re stuck with us no matter what, so, you might as well make the experience pleasant