Longer Jokes (1)

A fellow has been learning to be a balloonist and takes his first solo flight. Unfortunately the wind gets up, he is blown off course and is forced to land. He is in a paddock close to a road but has no idea where he is. He sees a car coming along the road and hails it. The driver gets out and the balloonist says, "G'day mate, can you tell me where I am?'.
"Yes, of course", says the motorist. "You have just landed in your balloon and with this wind you have obviously been blown off course. You are in the top paddock on John Dawson's farm, 13.5 kilometres from Canowindra. John will be ploughing the paddock next week and sowing wheat. There is a bull in the paddock. It is behind you and about to attack you."
At that moment the bull reaches the balloonist and tosses him over the fence. Luckily he is unhurt. He gets up, dusts himself off and says to the motorist, "I see you're an accountant".
"Good Grief", says the other man, "you're right. How did you know that?"
"I employ accountants", says the balloonist. "The information you gave me was detailed, precise and accurate. Most of it was useless and it arrived far too late to be of any help."

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A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two."

The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question."
The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?"
The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
He got the job.