What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?
It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......
Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours?
Because on the box it said Concentrate.
Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks?
Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
The accountant was visiting the Museum of Natural History and said to the person standing next to him, "That dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old."
"How did you get such exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago and the guide said the dinosaur was two billion years old."
The accountant's prayer:
Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.
Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party:
".......and ninthly..."
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
His desk is level
How do you know accountants have no imagination?
They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.
There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.
What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
Lost
How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft?
When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No
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